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It’s well past midnight
And I’m awake with questions that won’t
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction
On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face

Thomas needed
Proof that You had really risen
Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
I’ve lied if I’ve denied
The common ground I’ve shared with him

And I, I really want to know You
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I’m just tryin’ to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still

Nicodemus
Could not understand how You could
Truly free us
He struggled with the image
Of a grown man born again
We might have been good friends
Cuz sometimes I still question, too
How easily we come to You

No more campin’ on the porch of indecision
No more sleepin’ under stars of apathy
And it might be easier to dream
But dreamin’s not for me

Click here to view the embedded video.

I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They’re bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won’t let me go
And is the reason why…

[Chorus:]
I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It’s grace I’m standing on

[Chorus]

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I’ve worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

[Chorus]

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What will be left when I’ve drawn my last breath,
Besides the folks I’ve met and the folks who know me,
Will I discover a soul saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me,

I’m a doubting thomas,
I took a promise,
But I do not feel safe,
Oh me of little faith,

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Then I beg to be spared ’cause I’m a coward,
If there’s a master of death I’ll bet he’s holding his breath,
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power,
I’m a doubting thomas,
I can’t keep my promises,
‘Cause i don’t know what’s safe,
oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth,
When I’m scared I’ll find proof that its a lie,
Can I be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs,
That prove I’m not ready to die,

Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please forgive me for time that I’ve wasted,

I’m a doubting thomas,
I’ll take your promise,
Though I know nothin’s safe,
Oh me of little faith

Pensées

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Update: Recommend just listening to Sections 3 & 4. If you have time, maybe Section 7. I didn’t find much usefulness in the rest. Below are some good quotes:

There is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don’t. — Blaise Pascal

There are only three types of people; those who have found God and serve him; those who have not found God and seek him, and those who live not seeking, or finding him. The first are rational and happy; the second unhappy and rational, and the third foolish and unhappy. — Blaise Pascal

Reason’s final step is to realize that there are an infinite number of things which lie beyond it. It is simply feeble if it does not get as far as realizing that. — Blaise Pascal

There are two kinds of people one can call reasonable; those who serve God with all their heart because they know Him, and those who seek Him with all their heart because they do not know Him. — Blaise Pascal, SECTION III: OF THE NECESSITY OF THE WAGER

For it is indubitable that this life is but an instant of time, that the state of death is eternal, whatever its nature may be, and thus that all our actions and thoughts must follow such different paths according to the state of this eternity, that the only possible way of acting with sense and judgement is to decide our course in the light of this point, which ought to be our ultimate objective. — Blaise Pascal, Pensées (427)

Men despise religion; they hate it and fear it is true. To remedy this, we must begin by showing that religion is not contrary to reason; that it is venerable, to inspire respect for it; then we must make it lovable, to make good men hope it is true; finally, we must prove it is true. Venerable, because it has perfect knowledge of man; lovable because it promises the true good. — Blaise Pascal, Pensées (187)

What can be seen on earth indicates neither the total absence, nor the manifest presence of divinity, but the presence of a hidden God. Everything bears this stamp. — Blaise Pascal, Pensées (449) / 142

We know truth not only through our reason but also through our heart. It is through the latter that we know first principles, and reason, which has nothing to do with it, tries in vain to refute them. — Blaise Pascal, Pensées (110) / 28

I should be much more afraid of being mistaken and then finding out that Christianity is true than of being mistaken in believing it to be true. — Blaise Pascal, Pensées (386 /241)

Truth is so obscured nowadays and lies [are] so well established that unless we love the truth we shall never recognize it. — Blaise Pascal

Prophecies. If a single man had written a book foretelling the time and manner of Jesus’ coming and Jesus had come in conformity with these prophecies, this would carry infinite weight. But there is much more here. There is a succession of men over a period of 4,000 years, coming consistently and invariably one after the other, to foretell the same coming; there is an entire people proclaiming it, existing for 4,000 years to testify in a body to the certainty they feel about it, from which they cannot be deflected by whatever threats and persecutions they may suffer. This is of a quite different order of importance. — Blaise Pascal, Pensees, 332

We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart. — Blaise Pascal

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Seek and you will find, they say
but I’ve been looking everyday
for a way past this wall that’s in front of my face I’m on hands and knees searching for my faith

I know there’s so much at stake
but I don’t know if I can take one more pat on the back saying I’ll be okay Can’t you see my whole life is in disarray

You’ve got me desperate

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign
Reel me in before I’ve fallen in line
You’ve put me on a path I don’t understand I’m standing on a ledge waving my hands

You’ve got me desperate (do You see me?) Desperate (do You hear me?) Desperate (will You help me?) You’ve got me desperate

I know You’re my only hope
The only One who truly knows how it feels, what it’s like when it all starts to fall You’re the One I can trust who hears when I call

Some things I’ll never figure out
Until I let hope erase my doubt

You’ve got me desperate

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign
Reel me in before I’ve fallen in line
You’ve put me on a path I don’t understand, I’m standing on a ledge waving my hands

You’ve got me desperate (do You see me?) Desperate (do You hear me?) Desperate (will You help me?) You’ve got me desperate

Christian vs Atheist Debates

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My life has led me down the road that’s so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Tryin’ to find my way, tryin’ to find the faith that’s gone

This time, I know that you are holding all the answers
I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been tryin’ to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

My life has led me down this path that’s ever winding
Through every twist and turn I’m always finding,
That I am lost again (I am lost again)
Tell me when this road will ever end
Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been tryin’ to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without

I don’t know where I can turn
Tell me when will I learn
Won’t You show me where I need to go
Oh oh
Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it’s the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been trying to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

Oh, give me a revelation

I’ve got nothing without You
I’ve got nothing without You

Father, I long to be wise,
To see with new eyes
The truth that was written by Your hand
Father, speak
Your truth into me
Because I still believe
That You will help me understand

The lyrics just spoke to me in my quest to find the truth about Christianity. Today I felt a bit hopeful. I’m still a long ways off from anything close to what I’d consider a belief in God. But today I just felt a little bit less depressed about my unbelief.

- Download the song here.